In her book, Vegan’s Daily Companion, Colleen Patrick-Goudreau talks about compassionate alternatives to long spoken expressions (p10). Idioms, such as “Kill two birds with one stone,” that promote violence towards animals can be altered, ie “Cut two carrots with one knife,” and promote nonviolence.

Colleen promotes, such a positive message. Focusing on our language and such use of animals and animal products in our cultural verbiage, my mind slipped down, down, down. I found my brain lying in a gutter humming Deadeye Dick:

                           She don’t eat meat/But she sure like the bone (New Age Girl, 1994)

Meat and bone started my mind considering all the animal-related euphemisms. We consume the human body; substituting academic (penis/vagina/intercourse) or crude (dick/cunt/fuck) terminology, for more…um…appetizing (both animal and vegetable) language.

Google “euphemism sex,” “euphemism sexual organs,” or some other combination and you might be surprised at the lists–yes, lists–you find…someone has even posted a sextionary. Some of the terms I read…wow…I couldn’t make the sh*t up! Seriously, I couldn’t. And my first thought was, ‘Where do they say some of these?’

Sex

  • Bury the bone
  • Hide the Sausage
  • Popping someone’s cherry (related to virginity)
  • Going at it like rabbits
  • Milk and cookies

Penis

  • Meat
  • Bone
  • Boner
  • Beef
  • Cock
  • Sausage
  • Salami
  • Pork
  • Weenie
  • Pickle
  • Banana
  • One eyed snake

Testicles

  • Grapes
  • Nuts
  • Plums

Semen

  • Cream
  • White Honey

Women’s Bodies

  • Apple shaped
  • Pear shaped

Breasts

  • Melons
  • Cantaloupes

Vagina

  • Pussy
  • Pink taco
  • Clam
  • Honey-pot
  • Oat-bin
  • Meat grinder
  • Tail

Cunnilingus

  • Diving for pearls

Sexual-orientation slang is purposefully excluded.